I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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