I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
