i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize