When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
