i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
