I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
