Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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