yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
