I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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