her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
