Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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