Kiss
Puke
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Randomize
