dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
