The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize