he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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