shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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