No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
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