I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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