I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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