Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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