I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
