I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
