you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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