Can i not drive my cunt home
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
