I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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