That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
