he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
