You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
