wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
