I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
