I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
