New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
