either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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