I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
