found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
