I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
