my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize