Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize