it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
