I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
