so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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