I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
