I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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