beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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