I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
