Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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