I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My bed smells like the plague
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
