Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Never underestimate the power of titties
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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