somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
