You smell like stripper and shame
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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