Ambien. No doubt about it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
