i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
