Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
