I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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