He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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