we have pet lesbian snakes
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
