i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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