seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
