Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He better not be in your backpack
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
