I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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