Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize