Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
