ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
