What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
