no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
