Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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