hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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