i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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