the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
