Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
