Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
