If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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