My Higher Power is John Stamos
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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