I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
